


Boy Problems and How to Solve Them

by skyshines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Advice, Angst, Basically, F/M, Feelings Jams, Fluff, Implied/referenced dirkjake, Pale Porn, Roxy Lalonde/Dirk Strider Moirallegiance, Roxy is a good friend, Underage Drinking, dirk is an angst filled teen, i love suffering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6174835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyshines/pseuds/skyshines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk is crying over his crush being a Straight Boy™ and asks Roxy for advice.</p><p>Edit: haha okay so this is totally SHIT so I am going to redo it and hopefully it'll be better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy Problems and How to Solve Them

**Author's Note:**

> Just warning you, i cant code pesterlogs for the life of me and i dont have a beta reader, so yeah

\--timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--

TT: Roxy.

TT: You awake yet?

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum!--

TT: Guess not.

TT: Please message me when you get this, it's not important but I'd like to ask you about something.

\--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--

Dirk sat in his computer chair with his knees pulled up to his chest, spinning slowly. His "best bro" Cal hung from his back with his arms wrapped around Dirk's shoulders. His trademark pointy anime shades sat discarded on his desk.

The boy's exposed orange eyes dripped with salty tears. This was not how he wanted his Saturday morning to go. He wanted to sit around and rewatch old episodes of cartoons, , or lay in a smuppet pile and experience the shittyness of his big brother's SBaHJ movies. He  _definitely did not_ want to sit and cry over how oblivious his crush was.

He looked back at the cursor blinking on his screen, typing out another message to Roxy.

\--timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--

TT: Roxy.

TT: Roxy, please answer me.

TT: Please.

TT: I need advice.

TG: hey bab

TG: whats going on

TG: tell mama roxy all abutt it

TG: aboot*

TG: watever

TT: What do you do when you have a crush on someone?

TG: woa hold up

TG: is it me

TT: No.

TG: dam oksy.........

TG: im hurt................

TT: Roxy I am having feelings and I need you to help me get rid of them.

TG: everyone has feellings Dirky

TG: evn ur stoic ass has feelings

TG: u cant just get rid of them

TT: My crush is a dude, Rox. Isn't this that "gay" bullshit you spew? You should tell me how to get rid of the gay.

TG: u only know like two bois besides that creppy puppet man so who is givin u te gays

TG: pls dont let it be the puppt

TG: or calibotn

TG: omg it's the puppet isnt it

TT: None of your business, Roxy.

TG: hurt again by my bestestsest bro............

TG: how will i ever heel.........................

TT: If I tell you it's Jake, will you stop it with the "..." shit?

TG: .....................................

TT: Roxy.

TG: fine, fine, im done

TG: anywsys get some of that fine Englsh ass, Dicky

TG: dirky*

TG: actully no that typo was spot on

TT: Roxy this isn't helping me get rid of this stupid pain in my chest.

TG: that part might just be the salt watr getting to ya

TT: Roxy, seriously, help me, what do i do?

TG: flirt with him you big azz nerd!!!!!!!!

TG: test the hypothetetical waters and such!

TG: hyoetheticall*

TG: that word sucks ass i aint delin with it

TT: Your typing is getting progressively worse.

TG: yes yes whatevs anways just like, wait?? Jake is oblivius and kinda slow but he isn't an idiot, Dirky.

TT: Jake is the biggest idiot in history.

TT: It's heartwarming, and lovely, but frustrating, and I just want him to realize that I think he's hot and adorable and lovely and I just want him to be mine.

TG: kay but keep in mind that Jakey is his own person and doesnt belong to u!! i get wat ur saying but you really need to let him be his own purson.

TT: Yes, mother.

TG: dont get sasssy wit me young man

TG: but seariously you need to understan that u can't force him to love u bc that is just plain rude ok

TT: Anime says otherwise.

TG: dont listen to the fucking animus they lie to u

TG: for real though

TG: let the pour boi live his life

TT: Alright. I'll try my best.

TG: dont just try, do!!!!

TG: now that we hav that all setled, i need to go feed my kittys so text me at ur next emerjency, Kay?

TT: Okay.

TG: ily goofball. have fun with ur cartoons now.

TT: Love you too, Rox. Thanks.

TG: youre welcome. <3

TT: ... <3

\--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]--

**Author's Note:**

> Wow!! My first fic!!! Holy shit this is gonna be so bad and angsty, here we go!!!!!!
> 
> Edit: I tried to do pester log formatting but??? No thanks. Sorry.


End file.
